Bored, tired and caffeinated, Tiny Red suggested we editors three “write poetry about your favorite animals.”
These four pieces are the collective fruits of about six minutes of creativity:
Turkeys are glurkey,
But ducks are the shit.
Kitties are pretty.
Badgers have mitts.
I like horsies
I like bunnies
I like duckies
I do not like duckies
Their feet scare me.
Are they fish or are they bird?
They are unholy.
Are your leg parts in my cereal?
Is your skull in my bed?
Won’t you stop being disgusting?
4. WHEN THE GATOR ATE MY LEG
When the gator ate my leg
I swore he’d throw it up
In time to get to the hospital.
When the gator ate my leg
I cursed him with indigestion
And then I remembered my favorite sock.
When the gator at my leg
I wished diarrhea upon him
But then he pooped in my pool.
This is based off of something Mrs. Deelio found–I rearranged a little and added a few. More will surely be added as the games (and, let’s face it, the evening) wear on…
New additions in blue (as of 5 p.m., July 28).
Didn’t stick the landing
Bitter runners up
“Just a kid from…”
Athlete beefs it while competing (including falling off gymnastics equipment)
Really funny name
Sportscaster says something A) ridiculously nationalistic, or B) ridiculously smug about his/her sport
Reference to a non-Olympic sport
Epic collapse from a big lead
Sportscaster makes a funny (ie “[So-and-so] called for the double-touch because she tried to play it off her face.”)
Parent or coach body-English.
New world record
High five left hanging
Gymnasts of dubious ages
Fit kid, fat parents
Nordic country wins gold
Learning a new rule about an obscure sport
Any athlete named “Pepe”
Athlete beefs it while not in the act of competing
False start DQ
Bela Karolyi says something nonsensical
Sportscaster gets indignant on behalf of opposing country (ie, “How DARE they call that penalty shot! The referees just GAVE the US the medal!”)
Epic collapse and/or upset in a medal round
Wrong national anthem at medal ceremony
Happy Cinco de Derby!
The horse/jockey cards (one for each horse in the derby) probably represent about four total hours of work since yesterday evening. (I’m done with the Exacto knife for a while.) Oh yes, the saddle cloth colors are accurate to the gate, and each card includes the horse’s morning line. Put in a dollar and pick a horse; winner gets the pot. (All credit to old Asolo alum Dancing Jim–War Emblem once won me $20 at his place.) All this to be accompanied by mint juleps and the world’s worst collection of crazy hats.
Cheap bourbon and homemade mint simple syrup.
The Deelios and CCB and I are warming up with hockey and corn dogs right now. Looking forward to the arrival of Krazy K and Suzi Q, the ‘Rents and Little J. There’s also free UFC tonight, Mayweather/Cotto (not that we’re paying $60 for that shit, but we’ll keep an eye out for the results), Galaxy/Redbulls and…I dunno, some other stuff.
So, y’know, wish us luck! (I’ve got $5 each on Creative Cause, Daddy Nose Best and Went the Day Well. C’mon, boys, mama needs a new sombrero.)