Wherein Little J and I discuss pop-culture doppelgangers and eventually come upon a crater of shitty, shitty rock music. (Hint: http://www.mtv.com/artists/theory-of-a-deadman/related-artists/?filter=similar)
ME: I feel like the chick who plays Jessie’s girlfriend on Breaking Bad [Krysten Ritter] goes on the Aubrey Plaza/Zooey Deschanel/etc. list.
LITTLE J: Hehe, yes. Partly because she’s in one of those “apparently there’s this show that I’ve never seen before”—Don’t Trust The Bitch In Apartment 23 (a mental category that 2 Broke Girls inhabits).
Though the Girls lasted longer than the Apartment, apparently.
ME: It’s Hemsworth and not Pine that I was (at least name-wise) more likely to confuse with Pratt. But in trying to figure out who the other Chris-es were, remembering that you’d mentioned Pine, I was like, “No, that’s not one…I think it was the guy from Star Trek? Oh…”
LITTLE J: Pratt *is* kinda halfway between Hemsworth and Pine.
ME: I think I’d put Hemsworth in the middle, but if I think too hard about it they become the same person again.
LITTLE J: Heh, like a Magic Eye poster.
ME: After listening to as much Highly Suspect as I could tolerate, I’ve fallen down a shitty-hard-rock rabbit hole.
I should know better than to pursue any list so heavily poopulated by Papa Roach.
The typo stays.
LITTLE J: I wanted to make a joke about breaking the habit, but I think that’s the wrong (c)rap/rock band
ME: Glad I never bothered to distinguish between Theory of a Deadman, Theory of Dying, etc. etc.
Fuck, Art of Dying…see?
LITTLE J: As I Lay Dying
ME: I’m already sad I know Five-Finger Death Punch.
…which is not, I now realize, Finger 11.
LITTLE J: Hahah, true.
ME: WTF, music industry.
LITTLE J: I like the Alice in Chains song => Godsmack, or Machinehead band => Bush song
ME: Also, they’re not Mushroom Head…something to keep in mind.
LITTLE J: Good point.
ME: Oh dear god…this is the throat-punchiest page ever generated by the internet: http://www.mtv.com/artists/theory-of-a-deadman/related-artists/?filter=similar
LITTLE J: Black Stone Cherry and Buckcherry: also not the same.
ME: Hinder, Staind…
LITTLE J: I was sitting outside Taco Tuesday a couple weeks back, and this little Miata rolls up looking for a spot, coffee-can muffler braaap braaap-ing, racer-style rims and tires, backs into the “we’d like to turn here” non-spot on the corner of the building, a tiny little man gets out, and of course the song on the stereo was Hinder.
ME: Haha that’s amazing.
LITTLE J: It was too perfect of a set, like you should slam that all down and yell rummy.
Like all you needed was a spray tan and an Affliction shirt (which, in my mind, he has, but I don’t think that’s quite fair).
ME: How is it that Affliction reached and breached the douchebaggery of TapOut so quickly?
LITTLE J: Yeah, I dunno.
4: 47 p.m.
ME: You’ve gotta wonder what you’ve done wrong in your life to be on a list where Chad Kroeger and Scott Stapp both appear TWICE.
LITTLE J: Hahhaa I hadn’t noticed Evans Blue vs. Blue October.
ME: 3 Days Grace, 3 Doors Down and 30 Seconds to Mars—please line up single-file; I only have one lance.
LITTLE J: 12 Stones, 10 years…
ME: I feel like there was a time in my life when I actually knew Saving Abel, but maybe I’m just thinking of Gerunding Bandname.
LITTLE J: Breaking Benjamin? Drowning Pool? Stabbing Westward? Thriving Ivory?
ME: This game makes my soul hurt.