Ogden Nash on Bad Coffee and Little Sleep

Bored, tired and caffeinated, Tiny Red suggested we editors three “write poetry about your favorite animals.”

These four pieces are the collective fruits of about six minutes of creativity:

1. DEFINITIONS

Turkeys are glurkey,

But ducks are the shit.

Kitties are pretty.

Badgers have mitts.

2. BETRAYAL

I like horsies
I like bunnies
I like duckies

FALSE

I do not like duckies
Their feet scare me.

Are they fish or are they bird?

 

They are unholy.

 

3. COHABITATION

Why,

Spider?

WHY?

 

Are your leg parts in my cereal?

 

Why,

Lizard?

WHY?

 

Is your skull in my bed?

 

Why,

CJ?

WHY?

 

Won’t you stop being disgusting?

 

4. WHEN THE GATOR ATE MY LEG

When the gator ate my leg

I swore he’d throw it up

In time to get to the hospital.

 

He didn’t.

 

When the gator ate my leg

I cursed him with indigestion

And then I remembered my favorite sock.

 

It’s gone.

 

When the gator at my leg

I wished diarrhea upon him

But then he pooped in my pool.

 

It’s gross.

 

 

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