Ode to an Unhealthy Relationship

card

To you I owe my greatest debt—

You’re at my side, my safety net.

Repaying you is just too hard.

It’s all for you, my credit card.

 

 

When times are rough, you pay the tab.

You’re there when I need beers to grab.

You’ve rescued me when money’s tight.

You’ve bought me pizza late at night.

 

 

And never once have you complained

About the way my love is strained.

When things are good, I want you dead;

I’ll love my debit card instead.

 

 

When payday comes, the ATMs

Will always be my new best friends.

And nothing can replace the coin

With whom I will forever join.

 

 

But when that dough does disappear,

It’s you who keeps me in the clear.

And though I make you sit and hide,

You’re there when cash cannot abide.

 

 

These ways and more you serve me well,

And make my debts forever swell.

And all you ask is that I pay

A little of my soul away.

 

 

You’re such an asset, just like that,

And when it comes I lose my hat,

You’ll know you’ve done your job fantastic.

So here’s to you, you bastard plastic.

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