A Delicate Balance

[I’m fairly certain I just don’t have the mental capacity to comprehend convoluted banking practices. Still, I thought this was amusing. This is the actual transcript of my customer service online chat.]

Thank you for choosing Bank of America. You are now being connected to a Chat Specialist. For security purposes, please remember to close your chat window when completed.

JASON: Hi! Thank you for being a valued Bank of America customer! My name is Jason. How may I assist you with your personal accounts today?

ME: I just had a question regarding overdraft protection for my checking account.

JASON: I truly understand your concern regarding overdraft protection on your account and I will definitely check that for you.

JASON: To begin with, may I have your complete name and the last four digits of the account number you are referring to please?

ME: Hannah ******, ****

JASON: Thank you for that information. Would you mind if I will address you with your first name during our chat conversation?

ME: Certainly, that’s fine.

JASON: That’s great, thank you Hannah!

JASON: What about our overdraft protection please?

ME: This week, overdraft protection kicked in, transferring $100 from my credit account—but according to my account, I had sufficient funds to cover all my transactions.

ME: Having made no deposits beyond overdraft protection, I still have $123 in my account—that means I still had a $23 cushion.

ME: (er, $128)

JASON: I do get your point and allow me to check it for you.

JASON: Please click on Account Details Sub tab. On the left hand corner, please click on Available Balance History.

JASON: Are you in the page please Hannah?

ME: yes

JASON: Perfect!

JASON: No, if we are going to compute the transaction posted on your account last 6th of February, from Bay Area Sleep as Tampa to Checkcard **** Starbucks, the total debit transaction was at $935.57

ME: ok

JASON: And if you can see your accounting ending balance on the 3rd of February, prior to the overdraft protection transfer of $100 took place, your balance was at $922.84.

JASON: With that note, to protect your account from being overdrawn, the overdraft protection has to take place.

JASON: This will you for your account not to be assessed of $35.00 overdraft fee.

ME: Ok, I understand that expenditures for that period are more…than the balance for that period? I guess? What I don’t understand is, if I were going to be overdrawn otherwise, and I only received $100, then how do I have more than $100 now?

JASON: I certainly do get your point and allow me to address it for you.

JASON: Please have a look on the following transactions Bay Area Sleep in the amount of $50.00 and Sahara Café in the amount of $8.82.

ME: Ok

JASON: And Bar B Q in the amount of $6.37.

JASON: As you can see, since it is still in the processing status, the amount has been credited back on your account until such time the merchants claim the payment on your account.

ME: I don’t see that, no—the account balance appears to reflect the total after those figures have been subtracted.

JASON: Are you still in the available balance history page please?

ME: yes

JASON: Okey, let go for the transactions mentioned above.

ME: Ok

JASON: First the Bay Area Sleep Processing on the 6th of February, and dated 7th of February in the amount of $50.00

ME: Ok

JASON: The first one dated 6th, we deducted it and we credit back again on your account on the 7th.

ME: Ok, I can sort of see that—I just have trouble following the information on this page

JASON: Perfect!

JASON: Our endeavor is always to provide world class service to our customers and I hope I have made an attempt for the same today.

ME: You have certainly made an attempt, yes.

JASON: You are most welcome! And have a lovely day ahead of you!

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “A Delicate Balance

  1. Mrs. Deelio

    Jeebus. My brain hurts.

  2. Thing Two

    Hee, I love your last line and the fact that the chat process doesn’t interpret sarcasm. At ALL.

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